it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
