i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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