I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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