Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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