I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
