you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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