I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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