Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
