Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
