Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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