you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
