Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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