honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
