Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think your dad took our porno
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
