So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
