I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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