We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
