WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
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