that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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