WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
