i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
