can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
