i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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