I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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