Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Randomize
