I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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