remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
