If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
