Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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