Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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