i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
