u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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