Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
