remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
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i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
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it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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