my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
