just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Randomize
