I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
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Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
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Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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