Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
