So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
