Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
