I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
