I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
