dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
