WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
