Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You were trust falling into bushes
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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