still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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