you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize