pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
How does one acquire holy water?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
