then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
