I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
