Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
