Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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