Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
