Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
