My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
