I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
