I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
