I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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