That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
