she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
