you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
