Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
