The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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