No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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