if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
