everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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