I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
