Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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