He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My penis needs a shock collar
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
