I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
