Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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