The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
