I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
