did you get engaged???
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
