just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
